Seven films in one month is quite a poor achievement for me, and as I type these words, I’m trying to work out why I didn’t treat myself to more in-house cinematic outings. But the reasons aren’t forthcoming. Was it all to do with the extra-grey, Covid-enhanced January malaise by which so many of us seemed to be dragged down? Or was I just a bit too busy with writing commitments? I feel certain that, had we been in the ‘normal world’ (what does that even mean any more?) I would have managed to go to the cinema on more than seven occasions, but in the all-pervading spirit of counting our blessings, I suppose I ought to declare that seven is better than none.Continue reading “Le Mans ’66, The White Tiger, Assassins and others – Screen Time January 2021”
Surprise, surprise, my attempts to keep this blog updated with regular posts in 2020 failed. Mind you, I can’t take all the blame this time. A certain microscopic nasty caused what we might call ‘some disruption’ to all our lives last year, and although I had (and continue to have) a great deal to say about the situation, much of it was probably best kept to myself. Or, to be more precise: best relegated to the fiction-forming part of my brain, ready to emerge years from now in a short story or novel.Continue reading “Best Films Of 2020”
Ever since I first came across them, I’ve been haunted by these words from Michael Ondaatje’s In The Skin Of A Lion: “the extreme looseness of the structure of things”. I can’t remember what context they were in – I can’t even remember very much about the book – but they emblazoned themselves on my soul with what has turned out to be pretty solid permanence.
To me, the phrase has always been about embracing uncertainty, about giving oneself up to not knowing, to an absence of control, to smallness, to transience, to greyness. And I suppose that’s why I’ve been dwelling on it a great deal in recent months. Because if there’s one thing the current pandemic has flagged up – and goodness knows, it’s flagged up more than a few – it’s that some people really can’t cope with uncertainty.Continue reading “In The Skin Of Uncertainty”
In no particular order… Shopping – even though I normally consider myself to enjoy mooching around shops. But I have not missed it one single bit. Driving Queuing in car parks Feigning politeness in front of people with whom I have zero desire to spend any time Inane, small-talk-laden social gatherings Feeling tired Feeling like I never have enough time Reaching the end of each … Continue reading Some Of The Things I Haven’t Missed During Lockdown
In no particular order… Travelling The cinema Spending time with certain family members Laduree London Stopping somewhere for a coffee and a ten-minute session of watching the world go by Going for a walk without feeling like I’m in a tense, Tron-style video game in which you have to avoid coming within sneezing distance of everyone else Going out for a meal Inviting friends over … Continue reading Some Of The Things I Have Missed During Lockdown
I have been able to write nothing about the current situation. Nothing and everything. I have written nothing about it explicitly. And yet it has emerged in everything that I’ve written.Continue reading “Contempt Is Corrosive”
It’s time for good thoughts. Well, it’s never NOT a time for good thoughts — what I mean is that it’s time for them to be focused on a specific area. The Novel – about which I’ve been very quiet – is now ready to be sent out to anyone interested in reading it. And then the other process begins: the quest for an agent … Continue reading Ça Commence
At this heart-fracturing moment, we say that we did the best we could. But maybe we didn’t. We marched. We signed. We petitioned. We emailed. We tweeted. We posted. We talked and talked and talked. We sang. We shouted. We chanted. We honked. We hooted. We hollered. We stickered. We t-shirted. We badged. We bannered. We leafleted. We postered. We tried, we tried, we tried. … Continue reading Brexit Day
He wonders about the ways in which people can be made to feel unworthy. The first thing he thinks is that he doesn’t like that word: unworthy. It doesn’t really seem to capture the core of the feeling he’s trying to explore. Would ‘non-worthy’ be better? Or ‘non-worthwhile’? What he’s trying to get at is a sense of a lack of value. Valuelessness. But in … Continue reading Voice
He sits on the edge of the bath, biting his lower lip, hard. They mustn’t hear him crying. His hands grip the bath tub tight, knuckles pushing through the skin.
He tries to think about nothing but the force of his grip. On the bath tub. The coolness beneath his hands. His eyes squeezed shut, pushing the tears out. Liquid streaming down his face. A few drops falling onto his legs. But no sound. Not a single sound emerging from his mouth. His wide open, silent mouth.Continue reading “Seated”